I like to create these as a way to show people that YOU’RE NOT ALONE. As a way to demonstrate that even on your worst days YOU’RE NOT ALONE, and all of the people who submitted their stories can agree with me that once again YOU’RE NOT ALONE!
As you read these please keep open arms and open hearts there will be no negative feed back or the negativity will be deleted. Everyone is anonymous unless requested otherwise, Thank You.
TRIGGER WARNING DO NOT READ AHEAD IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED! this post just might not be for you and that is okay!!!!
Anonymous #1;
“I am 22 years old and I suffer from depression, anxiety and anorexia. I went through hell for years of my life, battling about a thousand negative voices in my head every single day. I wanted that to be worth something that all that suffering have a purpose beyond causing me pain. I wanted to make something positive. So I help people online who have no one to talk to, who struggle with mental illness, who need advice, support, and resources. One of the things I come across more often than anything else is people trying one medication and when it doesn’t work, giving up. For me, I tried 4 different medications before I found the one that turned my life around. It is SO important for everyone to know that there’s a huge difference between each type of antidepressant. If I had given up then, and abandoned my pursuit on the correct medication, i don’t think i would be alive today. And so that’s why advocacy is so so SO important. People need to know that depression isn’t incurable, and that there a medication out there for everyone, as long as they dont give up. Because the key is once you get your depression under control, you can start to work on the other illness like eating disorders and anxiety. Doing that work on yourself in the depths of depression? Forget about it. Don’t give up hope, keep pursuing your recovery so matter how hopeless it all seems, and stay STRONG.”
Anonymous #2
“I’ve suffered from anxiety, OCD, depression & PTSD since the age of 6. I am now 19 about to be 20 and a Junior in College. I’m proud to say I have been self harm free since freshman year of high school, I’ve been in counseling for the past 2 school years straight, and officially started depression meds as of last month.”
Anonymous #3;
“At the age of 15 I didn’t think I’d meet the person who’d give me Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but I did. I’m 18 now and still struggle. I thought I’d be able to date again years later but dating me is a struggle of its own, I know he’s not like my abuser and I know he won’t hurt me but I have a mental health issue that won’t let me get past it. Sometimes in public I’ll think I see him and my stomach turns until I realize it’s not him and I have to calm myself down. Being abused and staying was the one moment in my life im truly disappointed in myself. I wish I could say that being scared he would come after me and finish me once and for all if I broke up with him, was the reason I stayed. But I stayed for that and because I hoped I could fix him. I thought maybe if I loved him enough he would stop cheating on me. He stop calling me “cunt” and anything else he could think of. I thought maybe if I just proved to him my love for him he wouldn’t back me into corners and leave bruises. I wouldn’t have lie to my mom and tell her they were hickies so she was only mad for that and not that i wasn’t strong enough to stand up for myself. And maybe just maybe he’d accept the fact that at 15/16 I wasn’t ready for sex and rape isn’t the solution. But you can’t love the anger out of someone. You can’t put your life in danger to save someone else’s. I still wake up at 3 am ready for his nightly suicide calls to tell me it was all my fault and he’s really gonna do it this time. Except I don’t get calls anymore i just lie away for an hour. I wish I’d known that it was rape. Even though I screamed and yelled I thought maybe it’s ok bc he’s my boyfriend and I owe it to him. “If you would let me I wouldn’t have to cheat on you” “you owe it to me to do this” . I wish I had left when the first red flag hit. But he was so good at making roses that ignored the thorns. Until the roses were dead and it was just the thorns. I still remember the room Child Protective Services put me in. I’d seen all the things other children drew while in there and prayed to god they weren’t here for a bad reason. But we both know those rooms with recording devices and a woman asking you questions is never for a good reason. I see the room in my dreams. I wish I’d never had to go there. I wish the police would’ve done more. I wish I would’ve won in court. But how to do you prove months later that you were raped and abused? In a courtroom full of people who probably think you were asking for it anyway. These thoughts cloud my mind. If you’re reading this and think you’re alone in this world like I did for a long time, I promise you’re not. Please tell someone. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m living proof. The day I told someone my life turned around.”
Anonymous #4;
“To give a little background, I come from a very broken home. My mother had me when she was in high school, and my father was a little older than her and was not at all thrilled when I came into the world. My father took this anger out on my mother, pushing and hitting her, and I have a very vivid memory of him once holding a gun to her head for being at the grocery store too long. Because “who the fuck puts on makeup to go get food”. He abused her until I was old enough to not break at his touch. His abuse to me was gradual and at that point my mother had left him so I went back and forth between my parents weekly. I was 6, I believe, when I finally told my mom that he and his new girlfriend were hurting me, as well as allowing the children they had together to hurt me without consequences. My mother never let me go back to his house, and my father never even asked about me after that. I saw a therapist for over a year after that, though at that age I had no idea how the trauma of that would affect any and all relationships in my future. Jumping forward a few years, at 13 I met the first boy who(let’s call him X) ever made me feel anything. My first crush, if you will. But he was a bit older and at 13 I wasn’t even interested in kissing him. I went to his house one day(his neighbor was a friend of mine so I told my mom I was going there instead of his house) and he had some friends over, they were drinking (they were also 17/18) and some were smoking, among other things. X convinced me to drink for the first time, but it only took one drink for me to become completely disoriented. I got dizzy about 20 minutes after drinking and then could barely move. He took me into his bedroom, locked the door and he raped me. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t push him away. I was just a limp body for him to do whatever the fuck he wanted. When he was finished with me he just left the room and I laid there for what felt like forever, at some point I fell asleep. When I woke up I was able to move and went to my friends house next door and her mom took me home. I think he slipped something I to my drink, though I can’t be certain. I felt disgusting and didn’t tell my parents about it until almost a year later. No charges were filed, because there was no evidence and his friends said nothing happened. I’m now 21 years old. I have severe PTSD, im diagnosed bipolar, am medicated for anxiety and depression and I see a therapist regularly. It’s hard for me to form connections with men now. My longest steady relationship was 2 years and just ended because I wasn’t emotionally invested and was constantly afraid/paranoid even though he was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. I still do normal things like going out, and I go on dates sometimes. My trauma shaped who I am but does not control me. Everyday is a battle but slowly I am winning.”
Anonymous #5;
“I’m Alyssa and I have depression, anxiety, agoraphobia(fear of leaving the house), and who knows what else. I’ve always had anxiety and a little depression. I was always so confused seeing people have such bad depression, I didn’t think that it could get that bad. You can never begin to understand until you feel it or spend everyday with someone who has it. Both of my parents had depression and anxiety so thanks for that mom and dad😂💕 Not gonna sugar coat it my dad was an addict my whole life. But he still was the greatest guy. I was a daddy’s girl even though I didn’t see him everyday. But I would get mad sometimes because I didn’t understand addiction, and that’s most people’s reaction. But with all of my issues now I understand that so much more. I am not an addict but it is so damn hard to control your brain. So I do get it now. Well anyways my dad passed away, and I didn’t grieve, because I can’t. I don’t understand it, so I block it out. Because I think what’s the point when I’m just gonna be sad every time I think about it. So I don’t. I was with him when he died. And I think this contributed to my problems even if I didn’t know it. So moving on years later I got my first job. I loved it, it made me more outgoing and have less anxiety. Well for reasons I was only able to work one day a week. And that made my anxiety worse. I cried and panicked before work every time, until I stopped going just so I could get fired. And at the time I was taking a take as needed anxiety medicine that helped me. But then I switched doctors and she cold turkey stopped it. Even though I didn’t take it that much it was kind of a safety net for me and that was gone. After that my anxiety was worse and slowly and slowly I started to not leave the house. That is the biggest mistake of my life. And I tell Kylee not to do that all the time. Because it is 2 years later and I can’t leave the house. Every time I got in the car I freaked out. At first I was scared of getting car sick. And then it turned to there being no reason at all. 2 years of barely leaving the house. Being depressed to where I can’t move. Anxiety attacks multiple times a day. Having constant weird feelings. Having trouble doing things that other people do without even thinking. My story is long I can’t even tell you the half of it. But I’ll try my best. Bare with me. I got put on depression meds. That don’t help me but I’ve been on the for a while and don’t want to go though withdraws. And I can’t get to the doctor to talk about it. There has been maybe 4 days these past 2 years. Where the cloud was lifted and I felt so good and I felt like me. Only 4 days. But that was the only thing that gives me hope because i can’t wait to feel that again. I can’t remember what it felt like to be me before this. So yeah I have agoraphobia, I don’t leave the house. My brain basically tells me I can’t. Like there is no reason why I can’t. But I just can’t. Right now I am going to close places and getting out of the house. So I’m trying, but I can feel it getting bad again… oh and awhile ago I could barely swallow because there was this incident where I was drinking and my throat stopped working( who does this🤦🏻♀️)and the soda was in my throat but I couldn’t swallow. So I choked, and btw this happened out of nowhere. This scared me and messed my anxiety up. So I could barely swallow after that. Which means I could barely eat. I lost 25 pounds. And it hasn’t come back. Every single day is hard. It is hard to do everything. My anxiety is very different than most peoples. It is so weird and so bad. And agoraphobia is absolutely awful. So please please if you have anxiety/depression don’t do what I did. Because it will get 100x worse. Push through it because trust me agoraphobia is absolutely hell to push through. It’s almost impossible. But I’m trying, and I will continue to try. Just like everyone should. Because I think that even if it takes years and years, it’ll have been worth all the pain on the other side. I believe I will have a great life one day, and agoraphobia will not control me anymore. I know it will always be harder for us to just live than anyone else. Because nothing will ever go completely away. But look at us now, once we get though this. Everything else will be a breeze.”
As a closure, I’d just like to add that these ladies and gents that shared their stories are very brave, and have gone through a lot in life to get where they’re at today! You are all amazing and thank you for doing this! I hope you take away from this that you’re not alone!
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